After having officially left the church I still did not consider myself an atheist, my search for God had ended but now I was on a completely different mission. I now had to find logical explanations for the various experiences I had as an evangelist and had witnessed in my ministry. So I started from what I thought was the most logical place, I began reading books on psychiatry and psychology. That later led me into studying traditions and mythology and eventually I ended up trying to explain each and every experience that at one time I had deemed supernatural. I had a lot of questions and needed answers so I began to read as objectively as possible everything I could get my hands on that would help me explain away (debunk) most of what I had seen as an evangelist.
I learned about the placebo effect and psycho-somatic disorders and began to apply what I had learned to the many so called people who at one time or another testified to being healed from some ailment through my ministry. I learned about hypnosis and how it was used to help people with addictions and also suppressed memories etc. The more I learned the more my former religious beliefs were becoming irrelevant and exposed for the sham that they really were. I look at religious beliefs now as something silly and foolish. People worshiping a deity that they have no evidence exists whatsoever just does not make any sense to me now, I actually feel pity for those people that I find today that are still trapped in those superstitions.
Traditions die hard and religious beliefs have been around as far back as man would allow himself to remember, religious beliefs have grown and evolved and continue to do so even today. Christianity and Islam have not evolved much in my opinion, the only thing that has evolved is the way the various believers of said religions interpret what they believe. The bible has been translated from its original languages to so many other languages and has in and of itself gotten lost in translation, every group or culture now interpret it according to how they view their world and society. Like Christianity, Islam is just an offshoot of the old Hebrew religions. All religions are influenced by the cultural beliefs of where they originated from. Have you ever noticed how in the middle east the women for instance are second class citizens? How the O.T. makes the woman be created out of man and therefore is supposed to be subject and obedient to man?
Every bad thing that our world could do without is contained in the bible, there is racism in that the Hebrews/Jews are supposedly Gods chosen people. The so called salvation that we as gentiles have obtained is as a result of the Hebrews rejecting Jesus as their messiah. Jesus stated clearly that he had come for the lost sheep of Israel in Matthew 15:24 the gentiles (anyone who was not a Jew) was oftentimes called a dog or a swine in the scriptures. As anyone reading the book of Matthew might be able to see by reading chapter 15 Jesus referred to a Canaanite woman as a dog and when she pleaded that even dogs eat from the crumbs of the masters table he was moved and did as she asked.
I found out that this biblical God was many things I did not want to be and that I felt were in fact detrimental to any society. He was a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, a tyrant, and as evil as any man in history that I can think of. I eventually compared God to Hitler because I saw many similarities between the two that were just undeniable to anyone who would dare to analyze them both objectively without having his/her mind clouded with superstition and fear. The biblical god was a murderer and a self absorbed prick, I would rather go to hell if that place existed before ever subjecting myself to the service of a tyrant.