Tuesday, May 24, 2016

You should read the Bible

Today at work I came across an employee who engaged me in conversation regarding a book I happened to be reading at the time. The title of the book is The Closing of the Western Mind:The Rise of Faith and the Fall of Reason by Charles Freeman which is an historical account on how under the Roman Empire beginning with the Emperor Constantine, Christian doctrine and orthodoxy arose. It's an excellent book by the way and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in the beginning of the dark ages and how they came about.

As soon as I finished describing the book to him he said to me in the most arrogant and pious manner possible that I should read the Bible if I wanted to obtain true enlightenment. Pffft!! I waved my hand at him dismissively and replied that that was a complete waste of time to which he told me  I should never say that about the word of God! I told him I read it four times but he had already turned his back on me and began to walk away. It took a moment, but then and there I realized that this man had to be a Pentecostal and not just any Pentecostal, but an Hispanic Pentecostal.

Let me explain why in my experience and opinion I have come to believe that the Hispanic Pentecostal church is different from its anglosaxon counterpart. I was a former Pentecostal evangelist and upon reflection considered myself to be one of the most fundamentalist extremist of my day. Our church taught us that women should not wear jewelry, provocative clothing, pants, make up, short skirts or revealing blouses because the Devil would use them to tempt the male members of the church into adultery or fornication. Men were to take their place as head of the household as taught in the Bible and women were to subject themselves to him not as an equal partner but as an help meet unto him as described in the scriptures.

Everything that ever happened to us in life was either God's will, him testing us, or Satan and his minions tempting us or trying to draw us away from "the truth." Reading literature outside of the Bible and what was taught in the church was frowned upon and would most likely get you admonished. In our church you only needed the Bible, the Holy Spirit, the Pastor and any books he may recommend to help you study your Bible more effectively.

When it comes to theists of this sort the one thing I find most annoying about them is their arrogance and hypocrisy. When you tell them that you have read the Bible in its entirety they either reply that you read it without faith or the guidance of God's spirit therefore you did not understand it. Or you don't understand the spiritual things of the Lord because you don't have faith. The hypocrisy comes into play when you realize that many of these theists have never read the Bible in its entirety and if they have they have done so with the blinders of faith on. If they come across something they don't comprehend or that leads them to ask questions they ask God to somehow reveal it to them!

Theists see themselves as saved by God's grace and in turn enlightened because of it. Everyone else is just another lost soul in need of saving. If that is not arrogance then I don't know what arrogance is.

arrogance: an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people :  an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

But it's not entirely their fault! The Bible actually teaches this in both the O.T. and the N.T. 

First: all knowledge comes from God
 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7

indeed, if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding, ... Proverbs 2:3
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:5-6

Without the presupposition that God exists and that he is the giver of wisdom you can never comprehend his ways. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

So as you can see faith is a prerequisite in order to approach God knowing without evidence that he exists and that he hears the pleas of those that seek him. 

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

The rest of us are foolish and wicked for not accepting a belief in God without evidence. In fact, the knowledge of man as theists refer to it is condemned in the scriptures. 

Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 1 Corinthians 1:20

So Christian theology is nothing more than a vicious circle of irrational thinking called the fallacy of circular reasoning

A veritable catch 22 for us nonbelievers! If you don't accept beforehand that God exists then you can't know him and he can't reveal himself to you. It's all part of the indoctrination found in the scriptures and taught by the church. The fact of the matter is that most anyone who reads the Bible critically tend to come out of that experience if they are honest with themselves as either agnostic or an atheist. Many prominent atheist were formerly believers who were pastors, priests, ministers, etc. and in search of ways to prove their faith ended up becoming atheist instead. No devil required just analytical study of the scriptures and the end results are usually the breaking of the chains of superstition and superstitious beliefs in ancient myths. So Christians please do read the Bible from cover to cover but do so analytically and put your fear of the Lord to one side. You might be surprised at how idiotic some of your beliefs are. Atheists and agnostics should read the Bible in order to show theists how childish, irrational, and idiotic their beliefs are.

Note: All scripture quotations are taken from the New International Version of the scriptures.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Happy hypocrite day! !

: a person who claims or pretends to have certain beliefs about what is right but who behaves in a way that disagrees with those beliefs
 :  a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
 :  a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

Today is the day that many of those calling themselves Christians, believers, or followers of Christ break out the finest clothes, suits, and desses to celebrate Christianity's greatest miracle and foundational belief. The resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead! 

Some of these so called believers are more dedicated to their beliefs than others. They are members of an established and recognized Christian church and community, they attend services several times a week, they dedicate their time and money in the form of voluntary offerings and tithes to their churches. Then there are the others who live as if God does not exist yet proclaim that he does and aver that he walks with them and is watching over them. I have found that both of these types of believers are nothing more than hypocrites as the word is defined above. The more dedicated one is to those beliefs the more hypocritical they are in life. 

For instance all believers are cherry pickers. What I mean by that is that theists pick and choose from the scriptures those rules for living that are agreeable to them and those that are not they willingly ignore them. The biggest and most blatant transgressors of this are the gay community. I personally as an atheist and believer in personal freedom do not have anything bad to say against gays. In fact, I support their desire to be recognized by others as a viable alternative lifestyle endowed with all the rights and privileges of every other citizen of this country and even the world. 

But the bible clearly states that God does not view the gay lifestyle as a good thing but rather as a sin. 

"'Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.
Leviticus 18:22

"'If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
Leviticus 20:13

26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
28Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.
Romans 1:26-28

26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
28Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.
1 Timothy 1:26-28

I've used gays as an example because in my eyes their profession of faith is one of the most blatant contradictions amongst the many others. But this applies to all so called believers. In today's world we have people professing to be believers of God and claiming that they  are Christians whose lifestyles and  public life are a clear contradiction to what they claim to believe.

Many drug dealers, prostitutes, gang members, murderers, etc. all claim to be Christian. They pray and rationalize their lifestyles with the mercies of God. I've heard some say that "God knows I have to do what I have to do to live!" Because of God's great mercy in the end he will forgive them for their sinful lifestyle in the end and understand that they did it because they had no other choice in life! These same people wear crosses around their necks and prance around making a mockery of what they profess to believe. Most of them have never read the bible and even if shown the error of their ways they refuse to accept it and continue in their hypocrisy.

The worst of the lot are the more extreme believers on the spectrum of belief: the fundamentalist! This one is trying to live according to his/her interpretation of God's word, but not without first cherry picking out of the texts those things that they agree with . While those things that may condemn their lifestyles are completely ignored. This is for you Christians who judge the world and its inhabitants but are too blind to see your own faults.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Luke 6:37

If anything, the bible demonstrates clearly that those who choose to follow its precepts are nothing more than hypocrites! It is my opinion that the majority of those professing to be Christians publicly make fools of themselves by living one way and speaking another. 

3We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. 4Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person.
1 John 2:3-4

 14What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?
  24You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.
James 2:14,24

Many believe is sufficient but let's be honest if you are going to proclaim faith in God and in his word the least you could do is read it and try to live your life according to its instruction. Good luck with that! I will continue to live my life as a non-believer and a happy atheist. I don't worry about fictional hells or torments after death. I live in the here and now and enjoy every minute of it. For better or for worse I try to make the most of what I believe to be the one and only life that we have. While you believers continue to waste your life trying to please a fictional being who if we take the scriptures at their word is nothing more than a celestial tyrant that does not deserve worship but rather disdain.

Happy hypocrite day everyone!! 

Friday, March 18, 2016

On losing my faith

For those of you that are not familiar with myself and my blog I invite you to read my deconversion story to better familiarize yourself with my journey from faith to atheism. I for one am content to let theists live and believe as they please for the most part. The only time I have a problem with them is when they try to literally shove their beliefs down my throat through political manipulation and trying to seek legislation on things that affect my life on a personal level. Some examples are the banning of stem cell research, abortion, euthanasia, trying to get creationism taught in our public schools and many other similar issues. For the most part they are not motivated by so called morals but rather by divine commandment. The bible says its wrong for them so then it should be wrong for everyone else.

That being said let's move on to the subject of this post. I often find that talking to theists in general is like talking to a wall. No amount of evidence will suffice, no reason or logic will ever penetrate faith on its own. I remember when I was a believer that there was no way any man would have convinced me of the falsity of my beliefs or even worse that I was deluded in believing the things I did. My faith preceded everything including logic and reason.

When I was a believer I thought that faith was greater than "evidence" in fact, I thought that the fact that I felt the presence of God in the form of his Holy Spirit trumped anything any man could ever show or tell me. I viewed attacks on my faith and beliefs as either directed or inspired by Satan and his cohorts. I thought that the more people attacked my faith the closer I was to my God and the truth and that all of those attacks were nothing more than the Devil trying to derail my spiritual growth

It took a personal experience that got me to begin doubting my faith. I had been invited to a local hospital to pray for a young man who was enduring the final stages of the aids virus and its effects. He was literally knocking on deaths door. My ministry partner had him read Isaiah 53: 5 aloud from the King James bible and after praying for him declared him healed in the name of Jesus! He promised the mans mom that her son was going to undergo a miraculous recovery if she believed it and claimed the miracle in faith. I heard my own voice in my head say "he is not healed." I felt fear at that moment and asked God in my mind if it was him or the enemy telling me this. To make a long story short that young man died a few days later.

At the time I went to visit that young man his mother was not present. I had never met her before but my partner had and he was the one who had the invite to go pray for him. A day or two after that I was invited to a woman's home with a church elder to pray for her since she was elderly and ill. In the middle of the prayer I stopped and told her that her son was going to die and gave her the reason. I believed this was a word from the Lord coming through my mind to her so I was not aware of who her son was. I just felt the need to say what I did. I told her not to blame God but that it was part of his plan to save his soul. After the young man died the church elder ran into me at another church event and ran up to me and said that I was a true prophet of the Lord because exactly what I told that person would happen happened.

Despite all the events that followed that day when we prayed for that young man. I had the first seed of doubt planted in my mind. I began to analyze my faith and beliefs more closely. I read the Bible four times and each time I read it I doubted it more. It took a very long and personal journey and the willingness on my part to embark on that journey no matter where it led for me to abandon my faith. I had to analyze my personal spiritual experience with a critical eye as well. In the end all of my studying and honest reflection led me ultimately to atheism. I did not come to that decision easily. It took me about 6 years to get over all of the effects of my religious beliefs and it was a long and emotionally, mental, and physically draining process.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Atheism is not a worldview!

worldview : the way someone thinks about the world

In a recent discussion with a theist I was told that atheism is a negative worldview. My immediate thoughts went to the actual meaning of atheism or the word atheist. What does it mean when someone states that they are an atheist?

 atheist (n.) Look up atheist at Dictionary.com1570s, from French athéiste (16c.), from Greek atheos "without god, denying the gods; abandoned of the gods; godless, ungodly," from a- "without" + theos "a god" (see theo-).

atheista person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.

As you can see from the above definition taken from the Online Etomology Dictionary adding an "a" to the word theist simply states the opposite of what a thiest claims to believe; that God or gods exists. I myself as an atheist do not consider my atheism a worldview for the simple fact that one has nothing to do with the other. I see the word atheist as nothing more than a label that generally states what I don't believe in. Atheist like the word theist is nothing more than a general descriptive label and nothing more. Not all theists or atheists hold the same beliefs or worldviews as can be easily proven by randomly asking theists or atheists specific questions and comparing their answers to their fellow believers or nonbelievers. 

Stating that one is a theist does not automatically make that person a Christian, Muslim, or Jew but rather generally states that they believe in supernatural entities such as gods, demons, demigods etc. What they as individuals believe on other matters beyond their theism has nothing to do with the label although it may be influenced by the ideology itself. 

As an atheist I hold a more naturalistic view of the world and tht is the result of my rejection of the beliefs in the supernatural and the many beings others claim exists in that invisible unknown realm of existence. In my view there are only two alternatives: either you believe that gods exists and are behind everything in nature or you believe that gods do not exists and have nothing to do with nature. I choose to believe the latter position. I personally have no need for a belief in the Christian God or any gods for that matter. I don't need God to be happy since I am convinced that we can be happy on our own by seeking it and making up our minds to find it. 

I find happiness in this life now by living in wonder of our universe and the greatest feeling of all which is that which is felt upon discovery and learning new things about the world and universe we inhabit. I find life itself awe inspiring and much more interesting than religion and gods which I classify as ancient beliefs based on myths and superstitions of the past. 

My life without god beliefs may be influenced by my atheism but atheism itself is not my worldview. I don't see the divine in nature. I find nature to be amazing in and of itself and nothing fascinates me more than looking up at the night sky on a clear night with the knowledge that I am staring out millions and maybe billions of years into the past! The idea that the elements found on earth and that compose our bodies is found in stars (that we are star stuff) is simply mind blowing. It sure beats the hell out of believing that some invisible man in the sky made a man out of mud and blew the breath of life into him. Just writing that screams myth to me! 

In conclusion: Just remember that atheism is not a worldview. It is a label and nothing more that refers to your lack in belief in gods and or supernatural realms and beings. That's it! Nothing more and nothing less. It may influence your other beliefs but it does not define them or who you are as a person.  

Sunday, August 23, 2015


I always try to blog in a non-combative tone when it comes to religious beliefs and Christianity specifically. It was not always this way but if you read some of my earlier posts to those I have written lately you can see a definite maturation as you progress. I started this blog mostly as a means to share my knowledge and experience as a former believer with theists and atheists alike. I have been at times angry and emotional and have been dragged into personal attacks and verbal confrontations with those theists that opposed my views. But that is usually what happens when one has a lot of emotional baggage. I have since let go of all that baggage and have decided to critique religious beliefs from a more logical standpoint. I hope to continue doing so as this blog continues to grow.

I have often stated that in order to be a good Christian one had to also be one hell of a hypocrite. Although I admit that this statement does come off as offensive and seems quite combative I hope that I can make clear my position in this post. Let's start with a biblical citation and then we can go from there.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Luke 6:35

Oftentimes the bible admonishes that one should love their enemies and basically overcome evil by doing good. Yet, this is not what we are seeing out of today's believers. I personally think that calling us enemies because we do not share your religious views and opinions is ludicrous since I personally have nothing against a Christian or what he or she chooses to believe in. I lost an online friend today because she took offense to the saying: "Prayer: how to do nothing and still think you're helping." From this she stated that if I didn't like Christians that I didn't like her and unfriended me and blocked me so that I was unable to respond. 

I treat all people equally and everyone as an individual regardless or race, creed, or color. I don't care really what you believe but I also feel that you have the right to believe and express those beliefs openly. My question to theists is why don't you allow others to do the same? Why do you insist that as nonbelievers whether it be as an atheist agnostic or some other religious group do you demand that we keep those beliefs to ourselves? 

I feel that I have the same rights as you to express my non-belief in those same tenets you hold dear. The difference is that I don't go knocking on peoples doors, stand on corners condemning society and everyone to hell who does not believe as I do. I don't hand out tracts on the street and claim that what I am presenting is the only and absolute truth and salvation of mankind as we know it. Theists believe wrongly of course, that they have know what knowledge, truth, and facts really are. The amazing thing is that they don't have a shred of credible evidence to support their extraordinary claims! 

While the bible say's that you should love your enemies it basically classifies enemies as those that don't believe as you do. Basically, as an atheist I am an enemy of Christianity, Christians, and the church in general. No wonder theists are so sensitive and combative when their beliefs are brought to question and are scrutinized by nonbelievers. 

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.  Psalm 14:1

You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
  James 4:4

It is verses like these that in my opinion causes theists to view the world as against them. Anyone who doesn't share in their beliefs is considered by theistic and bible standards as the enemy. By telling everyone how to live, think, and feel you are basically acting in an unreasonable and dictatorial manner. This is where the hypocrisy comes in. You condemn the many for basically those same things you do. There are many Christians living in adultery, fornication, who masturbate and even engage in secret gay relationships. They think bad thoughts about others and even wish the worst for those that they view as an enemy. 

The good news is that in doing those and many other acts that are not harmful to society you are just being human. Contrary to what your bible says looking at a woman or vice versa and desiring them in a sexual way is not a crime nor is it a moral offense because these are just thoughts and secret fantasies you keep to yourself. When you act on those thoughts in a harmful manner such as rape or sexual harassment then it becomes a problem that can easily lead to criminal behavior. 

I call you a hypocrite not as an offense but rather as a statement of fact. You present this image of being holier than thou and point the finger at others as if they were inferior because of their lack of belief. But in doing so you are the ones who are doing the persecuting and not the other way around. I for instance don't care about gay marriage nor even see it as an issue. I believe that people should live their lives as they see fit and find whatever it is that makes them happy. If that means having a loving and meaningful relationship with someone of the same sex then so be it. I don't see stem cell research as a problem, Nor view the practice of religion as a problem either. I have a very strict live and let live policy. As long as your actions are not harming anyone then it's all good for me. 

But don't tell me that you love me in Jesus name or that you want to save my soul and then come back and reject my friendship because I reject your faith. If that is not a hypocrite then I don't know what is.

1.a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. 
2.a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements. 
Note: All biblical citations are taken from the NIV version of the scriptures. The definitions of the word hypocrite are derived from http://dictionary.reference.com/

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Fear the Lord

And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul,        Deuteronomy 10:12

"See now that I myself am he! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.      Deuteronomy 32:39

From my former position as a leader in one of the most fundamentalist Pentecostal churches of our day I can attest to the power of fear in a religious context. As a believer I interpreted the many feelings and emotions that I experienced as the working of the Holy Spirit within me. It was these experiences that served as evidence and confirmation to me that my god was real, alive, and all powerful. I saw the world in black and white: on the one hand there was God the representative of all that was good and Satan the representative of all that was evil in the world. We were just caught in the struggle.

From 1990-1994 I ran a ministry that consisted of preaching on the streets on Saturdays and Sundays and preaching at church and revivals by invitation. I even got the chance once to preach on a Hispanic Christian radio station. My specialty was what was known as liberation or exorcism. I dealt often with so called demon possessed individuals and often found myself casting those demons out in Jesus name. I did not realize nor had any doubts at the time that there were actual explanations for these so called manifestations of demonic possession: deep indoctrination, mental illness, and high suggestibility just to name a few.

It was this power that I thought I possessed and had that convinced me beyond any shadow of a doubt that the Christian god was the one and only true god. It was this same power that built in me a deep and palpable fear that I could no so easily describe. I loved the Lord with all my heart, mind, and soul and had committed myself entirely to his service and what I believed at the time to be his will; to save and liberate as many souls from damnation and bring them into God's saving grace. 

It was this same fear that kept me bound to those superstitions and prevented me from secretly or even openly questioning those beliefs. When I first began to have doubts I simply saw it as one of Satan's many attempts to lead me astray. You see, like the title of Carl Sagan's famous book states I truly was living in a demon haunted world. When I did confide to my pastor and some elders of the church my feelings of doubt I was given ominous warnings about the consequences of leaving the faith.

20If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. 21It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them.
 2 Peter 2:20-21

My idea of hell in those day was a fiery place of eternal torment and because of my fear of hell I also developed an intense fear of death. I was always burdened with thoughts of my life as a believer being good enough to warrant the rewards of heaven. I was always concerned with pleasing God and living in a way I believed that he approved both in my private and public life. Like a child trying to please his dad I was always looking for ways to stand out and make the good Lord proud of how I used his gifts and sought to fulfill what I thought was his will and mission for my life.

In the end it took me six years to overcome those deeply ingrained fears that I carried. I was an emotional wreck for most of those years and as paranoid as anyone wondering when Satan would pounce on me and steal my life and eternal salvation. I had very realistic nightmares of demonic attacks known as hallucinatory sleep paralysis where I would find myself frozen in fear and felt a presence holding me down to my bed. I heard menacing voices threatening me as I struggled to break free. My mind could not distinguish this nightmare from reality and so I woke up breathless and with my heart pounding out of my chest.

I have come to the conclusion that the deeper the indoctrination the harder it will be to break free from the clutches of the many irrational fears and superstitious baggage that religious beliefs brings. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences and knowledge on how I broke free that I can continue to help others to do the same.

Note: All biblical citations used in this post are from the New International Version of the scriptures.

Friday, August 14, 2015

God is irrelevant

Today I recieved an email from a follower of my blog on prophesying and how it is done. This letter made me reflect on my own experiences in the ministry. It is hard for me to believe that it has been 21 years since I have escaped the mental prison of my former beliefs. It has been 21 years since I finally overcame the fear of a nonexistent tyrannical God and his imaginary hell. I can honestly say today that the greatest burden in this life that I have had to bear was the burden of ignorance  that I once believed with all my heart and mind.

I gave my life and entire being to Jesus and lived to the best of my ability what I taught and preached about. My biggest struggle as a believer was dealing with being a 21 year old evangelist for four years and never having a girlfriend or engaging in sexual activity. I had done so previously before I was a believer, but upon accepting Jesus in my life I became aware that fornication (sex out of wed lock) was a sin. For four years I struggled with my desire to have a God fearing wife and a family but also my desires of the flesh for sex was high on the list as well.

I tried to live my life according to a literal interpretation of what the N.T. said. I walked in awe and revered the Lord and loved him to the fullest. I feared him because of how great I believed him to be and how powerful he was. I believed that I was alive and chosen only by his grace to carry out the mission of bringing the "lost" to Christ. I studied and read my bible daily and carried it around with me at all times; even to work! I meditated on the Lord and his word day and night and often mentally talked (prayed) with him.

When I first began to have doubts about my beliefs I suffered great emotional distress because I thought I was being manipulated or mislead by Satan and his cohorts. He was in my mind the first one to blame for my initial doubts. But then as I read the scriptures more and more I began to notice many inconsistencies with how the church should be run and how it was run. I began to first question the order of the church and then the use of the gifts of the Spirit.

Those initial doubts were the hardest to overcome. but nothing was harder than overcoming the fear itself. I was terrified when I began to doubt and I can't even begin to recall how often I had to ask God for forgiveness for having a certain thought cross my mind. It took me six years to overcome that fear, but the one thing that helped me was the seeking of knowledge.

When I got my nerve up I began to study the process of how our bible came to be. It was a very enlightening process and it led me to believe that there was no divine author or guidance needed; it was entirely the work of several authors who for the most part were anonymous. I then began to question doctrine and to research how I was able to do or demonstrate the power of God in the form of apparent miraculous acts. I found an explanation for every last one of them. Once I broke free from the fear. I felt the chains of ignorance fall from my mind and I saw a whole new world upen up before me.

I will never ever go back to any religion. Especially, any religion that requires that I give up my mind and reason and my ability to logically think and analyze all things. I refuse to bow down to celestial tyrants that in my view are no better than the worst of men. I refuse to believe without question or live a life that is radically opposed to human nature. I hope that I may be able to continue to help others that are facing what I once faced. Stay tuned to this blog because I intend to resume writing on this and many other important matters.