As of late I have been pondering the matter of former believers who have embraced atheism. I find deconversion stories interesting and at times sad. As a former fundamentalist evangelist and fully committed believer myself, I can honestly say that I left the church and the faith behind with a bitter taste in my mouth. I was angry at myself for being duped into not only believing the nonsense I did at the time but in the fact that I also helped to spread those ridiculous beliefs.
The first seeds of doubt began to germinate in my mind when I first read the Bible from cover to cover for the first time. I began to doubt some of the experiences I had in the church and even some of the normal practices during service. The chaos that would ensue when nearly everyone in the congregation began speaking in tongues at once and passing out and writhing on the floor allegedy under the power of the Holy Spirit brought to mind the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 14.
then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each
of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or
an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be
27If anyone speaks in a tongue, two—or at the most three—should speak, one at a time, and someone must interpret.
28If there is no interpreter, the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and to God. 1 Corinthians 14:26-28
39Therefore, my brothers and sisters, be eager to prophesy, and do not forbid speaking in tongues.
40But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way. 1 Corinthians 14:39-40
I was a member of the Pentecostal faith and in our church there was no order. Women were often pastors despite the biblical mandate that women remain silent in the church (1 Corinthians 14:34-35).
should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.
they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own
husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the
Some atheists claim that they miss the music and the social aspects of religious services and so they attend services from time to time. I personally do not feel this way and find religious services to be embarassing and primitive at best. I feel sorry whenever I see other believers who are currently where I used to be. They speak in tongues and raise their hands in the air believing that these are their gods way of confirming to them the truth of their beliefs or the integrity of their standing with God. Little do they know that all of these manifestations are nothing more than the projections of their own minds under the influence of doctrinal beliefs and church dogma.
Today, I personally find worship abhorrent and would not set foot inside a church for any reason. I find the music repulsive and the so called outpouring of brotherly love in Christ by church adherents overwhelmingly hypocritical. I've never liked liars, hypocrites, or thieves and I feel that the church is chock full of all of the above. It took me six years but I have managed to cleanse my psyche from all of the ridiculous influences of the church in my life. I don't believe in an afterlife nor eternal punishment for sins. In fact, the idea of sin is outright absurd!
I don't miss being a mental and physical slave to absurd beliefs based on nothing more than faith. I don't miss bearing a charge of guilt on my shoulders for simply being born. If there was a god and he was offended by my existence and insisted that I submit to him and worship him I would tell him to fuck himself. I live a good life and do not bear any guilt for imaginary crimes I might have commited against an imaginary deity. I don't miss Jesus and have lived the past 19 years happily without him.
Note: All biblical quotations are taken from the New International Version of the Bible.